Wednesday, March 14, 2012

If you give a mom her crying baby...

If you give a mom her crying baby, she will take him in her arms.
When she takes him in her arms, she will try to comfort him.
When she tries to comfort him, she will feel his awesome strength when he knocks her square in the face with his flailing arms.
When she feels his awesome strength, she will remember that he has not had any floor time that day.
When she remembers that he has not had any floor time, she will take him to her room where there is carpet.
When she gets her baby in her room and on the carpet, he will do a face plant.
When he does a face plant, she will be horrified by how filthy the carpet has gotten to be.
This will remind her that the carpet has not been vacuumed in.....well, a really long time.
So she will pick up her now comforted and no longer crying baby and go to fetch the vacuum cleaner.
On the way to the closet that the vacuum calls home, she will drop off the baby in the living room, placing him in the Bounceroo.
She will then get the vaccum and begin to vacuum the carpet.
Not long after she begins vacuuming, she will decide that the floor lamp is not bright enough for her to see whether or not she is vacuuming the carpet thoroughly.
She will then turn on the overhead light and turn off the floor lamp.
When she turns off the floor lamp, she will notice the lamp's shade is rather dusty.
She will finish vacuuming the carpet and then move on to the lamp shade.
After seeing how well the vacuum removes the dust from the lamp shade, she will remember there are two more lamps in the room.
She will decide to vacuum the shades on those lamps as well.
Feeling very proud of herself for accomplishing something more than just her typical daily dishwasher full of dishes and one load of laundry, and also having worked up a bit of sweat, she will get the idea to turn on the ceiling fan.
When she goes to turn on the ceiling fan, she will see there is a no-less-than-one-inch layer of dust on the edges of the fan blades.
She will then decide to vacuum the edges of the fan blades.
And what the heck, she says, I might as well vacuum the undersides of the blades too.
After vacuuming all noticeable traces of dust on the ceiling fan, she will then turn on the fan and turn off the vacuum cleaner.
When she turns off the vacuum cleaner, she will once again hear her baby crying.
She will return the vacuum cleaner to the closet and rescue her crying baby from the evil Bounceroo.
After rescuing her baby from the evil Bounceroo, she will take him in her arms.
When she takes him in her arms, she will try to comfort him.
When she tries to comfort him, she will once again remember that he has not had any floor time that day because it was interrupted by her vacuuming the filthy carpet.
She will place her baby on the carpet and then reach for a baby toy from the top of the dresser.
As she gets the toy down from the dresser, it will make a clean streak amidst all the dust on the dresser's surface.
When she sees how dusty the dresser is, she will decide to dust the furniture in the room.
Not wanting her baby to breathe in all the dust, she will pick up her now comforted and no longer crying baby and go to fetch a dust cloth.
On the way to the cabinet where she keeps the dust cloths, she will drop off the baby in the living room, placing him in the Bounceroo....

And that, my mamacitas, is why accomplishing any housecleaning whatsoever when you are a mom is totally dependent upon crying babies.